Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
