I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
