Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
