I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
