Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
