noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
