and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
