bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
