dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
