"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
it's great music for shaving your balls
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
BRING THE BAGELS
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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