this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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