Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Randomize
