i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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