he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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