how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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