Even water is tasting like jack daniels
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
