if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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