Apparently you make a good broom.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
