I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Randomize
