Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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