i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
