Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I feel great
I just peed on a car
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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