guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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