I puked a lego.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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