so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I will be naked everywhere
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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