Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
