Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
