My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Randomize
