i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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