Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
