Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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