You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
