i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
