I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
