i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
