Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
