We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
