Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
