Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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