I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
