I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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