I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Randomize
