i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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