I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I have tasted many bathrooms
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
