there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
