I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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