One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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