youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
