Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
did i walk over a car last night?
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
