so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
