i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you traded sex for a burrito?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
